01.96 - I"m Not a Pessimist
...I'm a realist, and I think I'm the happiest person I know.
We all probably think that we are each the happiest people we know, that we each possess some secret that the rest of the people in our lives don't have. We all live the right life, and it is very different than the lives of the people around us.
I think people can choose to be happy or unhappy. I think a lot of people choose to be unhappy because someone very near them appears to be too happy. Like that is their role and their role only; I have to be something else.
People choose their identities from the available niches from the people around them.
We're all just statistical averages when you look at us from a far enough perspective. 50% optimism, 50% pessimism.
A two-party government will most likely always equilibriate at 50/50. Sorry, Libertarians. Sorry US Nazis.
I believe that our expectations of each other are much too high. When I got out of high school, I thought that I deserved my relationships. Now, I think of personal relationships as natural developments of my environment. If a human relationship isn't symbiotic, it probably shouldn't exist. And they usually don't exist much longer after the mutual gain fails to exist. And if a person isn't gaining anything by knowing me, by talking to me, then why would I expect them to keep calling.
I think I keep a small number of friends and family members close just because they're interesting. So I suppose the symbiotic relationship can be based in entertainment, as well.
I have resigned to be complete friends to the people who have stuck around the most - I will try to be there for them even if it doesn't suit my own needs. To a point. I don't think that T understands these friendships.
I believe that relationships of that type, that exist not out of total need but out of choice, especially in our time....they are the ones that are special and holy. That someone will decide to be in a relationship for years and years, after all reasons expire to stay together, is a beautiful thing.
The point is that there's a world of diversity out there in terms of people, and there's a need for all of it. And I think the more diversity you acquire in terms of relationships, the healthier you'll end up being.
Yeah, call Stuart Smalley - I've stolen his gig. Shit.
Next entry sir!
I strive to keep those relationships as well. The ones that have definitely expired their usefulness, but I try to actively stay involved with that person. It's hard work sometimes, but it's just something I feel I must do. And then I start thinking of it as an obligation, and I really shouldn't. But that's me, the people pleaser.