01.86 - The Honesty of Drunkeness

Bachelor party went well; the groom-to-be was very resilient and lived through all the poison we threw his way.  And of course he should know that all the bad things I said about marriage are moot when you're marrying a girl like Terez.  I know her, you two gonna be all right.  I am a bit disappointed that ST didn't knock out the shot of turkey that was thrown his way, but I can't really blame him too much on principle.

Turkey.  Gag.

Stegs (who happens to work at the same company I do), told me last night in a drunken conversation that I'm a prick at work.  That I'm sometimes unapproachable and cocky in the office.  While I'm prone to usually throw out most drunken conversations as useless at the time of next soberness, this one lodged in my head like a chicken bone in a dog's throat...hung there, causing great discomfort and generally messing with my mojo.

Our relationship is one of the rare ones that start elsewhere and end up in the office, and once there is put under a different kind of stress, one where there are actual responsibilities involved, positions, managers, inter-office politics (however petty), and deadlines.  After 15+ years of being able to say whatever we wanted to each other at any time, or to ask anything of each other, all of a sudden we have to play by the rules of an office.

What makes this worse, specifically speaking of me, is that I am a big fan of corporate America...or at least its essence.  I don't mind playing the game of advancement, and I don't mind giving respect (aka "Kissing Ass") to the people above me because they hold the purse strings.  This is probably one of the few things I actively learned from my father, and because I'm human I trust it for that reason.  We act like our parents.  Which also explains why I'm a big pussy like my dad...  but thats another story.

I am trying to say that me at work is not the me away from work.  I'm starting to realize that we all have a line in our lives where we live one way on one side and another way on the other side, and the people we portray on either side isn't going to be the same as the other.  I want to be everybody's friend at work.  But I've come to the conclusion that I do a lot better when I'm not everybody's friend at work, and I'm simply another cog in the machine.  If one of my friends at work pushes me off at work, I'm not going to hold that against them.  If my supervisor (whom I consider a friend, but I don't think we'll ever be close) took time out of the middle of our lunchtime washers game to yell at me for missing a deadline, thats just him doing his job.

I think the real problem my office friends may have with me is that I have a training/mentor role, and as a result I've gotten used to handing out advice and otherwise doling out information like I'm some kind of smart guy....but I know that I'm not.  Its just what I'm expected to do in my role.  Its what they pay me to do at work.  I ask people critical questions at work, and I want them to use them to get better.  I also want people to ask me critical questions so I can get better.

The sad thing is that I don't think I can change anything I'm doing to seem like less of a prick at work.  I guess I'm saying its not personal.  I love my friends like brothers and sisters, and I would never let money or politics change that.  Its not going to be easy, and its not going to be pretty sometimes...but I don't think I'm gonna let an office event ever effect a friendship that is heading into its second decade.

I'm sorry we were both too drunk to talk about this with any meaning last night.  I don't expect that to solve anything, but the chicken bone seems to have dislodged itself and for that moment, thats good.

Posted by: brooklun on 7/29/2007 4:02:07 PM , 1 comments